Exclusive Scoop: The Macbook Faux for IHOPers

So a little later today Apple is going to announce some new products. I’m looking forward to updated iPods and a new version of iTunes. But that’s nothing compared to how excited I am about the newest Apple laptop. Why am I excited? Because Apple has realized how much business they get from IHOPers and has made a laptop especially for us! By dint of blackmail, intercessory prayer, and sheer nerdery, I have managed to get an exclusive scoop on the very latest cutting-edge Macbook prototype.

So put away your old laptops and turn off your iPhones. Ladies and gentlemen of the Missions Base, I present to you…the Macbook Faux!!!!

The new MacBook Faux

Tired of leaving your Bible on your seat in the prayer room, only to come back from the bathroom and find someone sitting on it? Worried about leaving your real laptop in the PR while you go get some coffee? The MacBook Faux is what you’re looking for!

A revolution on the frontiers of seat-saving, the Macbook Faux runs NinjaCat OS, featuring a motion sensor and DNA recognition—if anyone but you tries to move the laptop, the “Angry Apple” logo will light up and a loud alarm will sound. The Macbook Faux has a HardCore 0.00 Ghz processor with variable RAM (it’s a quantum physics thing; I don’t really understand it) and features lots of storage space (the Faux can store up to ten pictures after you print them out at Walmart). And the battery lasts forever. Like literally, forever. The advanced composition of the casing (manufactured by PapyrusTech) classifies the Macbook Faux as an ultra-uber-light laptop. In fact, it’s so light you don’t even need your whole lap to use it! This tiny computer is perfect for use in the prayer room or coffee shop.

Act now and you can buy the Macbook Faux for 10% off its sale price, along with a personalized keyboard! Get it for the special IHOPer in your life.